It often surprises me that my decision to have or, in my case, not to have children is often called into question by people. I consider myself to be somewhat level-headed, educated and thoughtful. It's not a decision that was made lightly or without much consideration.
It seems to me that a woman's (or couple's) decision to have children is a private decision. However, I often get asked when my husband and I plan to have children. It's an odd question to ask a stranger or someone you don't know well. I don't ask people how often they have sex or what their family planning methods are.
Social norms (at least in the US) suggest that one should not talk about politics or religion at social gatherings. But it seems that it's completely appropriate to ask about someone's family plans. I can't discuss whether someone is a devout Catholic or if they worship donkeys or if they voted for Obama but for some reason a stranger can question me about my child bearing plans.
What's even stranger is the response I've gotten when I have told people that I don't want children. I had one friend of a friend tell me that I couldn't be a "real woman" until I had experienced child birth. Odd response for a casual conversation at a holiday party. I had another person tell me it was my patriotic duty to have children. Yes, you read that right, patriotic duty. Hmm. I have even heard some right-wing commentators (read nut-jobs) suggest that same thing.
Many times people do not take into consideration that a infertility could be the reason a person does not have a child. It's not like infertility is an uncommon problem. I have known people who have gone through the treatments. It seems like a stressful process that doesn't need to be exacerbated by some nosey person's inquiry.
So if you run into me some day at a party, I'd much rather talk about religion, politics, weather, movies or current road conditions.
Have a great week. Stay tuned for more thoughts from a curly-headed girl.
